Now You See Them,

Now You Don’t

This essay originally appeared in “Little Rock Family” magazine as an installment of my monthly parenting column titled Mama Mia.

The first time Jackson came to our house, he got in trouble. The precocious toddler was always making mischief of one kind or another. Luckily, 3-year-old Betsy was willing to rein him in when his antics got out of hand. When they were together, Betsy was always the one in charge, telling Jackson what to play, when to play and how to play.

It’s a good thing he was so cooperative.

Jackson stayed with us — off and on — for about a year. We’re lucky to have his final day with our family on videotape. It was during a trip to Memphis when the little tyke actually ran off and jumped in a pond. Betsy can be seen on the tape, calling to him at the top of her voice, “Jackson, you get out of that water right now!”

After he emerged, they walked side by side with Betsy chastising her friend for his outrageous behavior. Poor little Jackson. He was just having fun. 

No one understood Jackson quite like Betsy. They had a lot in common. But there was one thing Jackson had that Betsy will never have: invisibility.

Jackson was Betsy’s one-and-only imaginary friend. I’ve heard adults scoff at invisible friends saying that these figments of a child’s imagination aren’t normal. I even once heard someone say that children with imaginary friends are actually talking to spirits, a la “The Sixth Sense.”

To these adults I have one thing to say: You think too much. Take it from someone who can boast five imaginary childhood friends: They are perfectly normal. 

Maybe I had so many pretend friends because I was an only child. Or maybe I just had an overactive imagination. All I know is that I was happy to welcome Jackson to our home four years ago. And I’m excited when Callie and Sara come to visit now. 

Mary’s imaginary friends aren’t as consistent as Jackson, but they’re definitely more colorful. For one thing, they’re twins. Sometimes they’re 7 years old, and sometimes they’re 13. Their pink and green hair makes them stand out from the crowd. And they occasionally have birthdays twice a week. I’ve been known to set the table for Callie and Sara, as well as fasten their seat belts. They’re interesting characters, and I wish they would come around more often. I’d like to get to know them better.

Why do children create imaginary friends? For some kids, it’s to help them cope with stress, such as the birth of a sibling or the move to a new house. Others may use their pretend friend to explain their own misdeeds. 

If your child has an imaginary friend, I encourage you to nurture this creativity. Invisible friends can be very well-thought-out and complex individuals. From the color of their hair to the style of their shoes, your child knows all the details about this very special person and is probably more than willing to share them with you. All you have to do is ask. 

Before you know it, your child will outgrow the sweet innocent stage in which imagination rules her day. She’ll learn to sit at a desk and do her work and stop daydreaming so much. So while you have the chance, embrace your child’s creativity. Get to know her imaginary friends. Set a plate at dinner for them. Make room for them on the couch. Hang up” Happy Birthday” banners and bake pretend cakes for them. It will make your child feel important and will give you insight into her world.

Personally, I was sad when Jackson disappeared following his escapade in the pond. He was never seen again, so to speak. It’s too bad. I liked the little guy, and I think he and Callie and Sara would have really hit it off, provided we could find enough chairs for everyone at the dinner table, that is.